Beautiful
by Qzil
Summary: Before she died, he told her they would have beautiful kits together. And to Honeyfern, that's the one thing making StarClan perfect. HoneyBerry, Honeyferncentric oneshot.


Warning: Drabblish and a bit OOC.

Thank you, Demoiselle Kyota, for betaing this for me!

--

Honeyfern stares out across the huge medicine cat den in StarClan, listening to past medicine cats argue over who will get to treat her. Yellowfang, a former medicine cat, sits next to her, explaining what's going on.

"You see, Honeyfern, your wounds don't heal the second you come here. It takes time. Medicine cats will treat you like you were alive. When it comes to the death wounds, though…" Yellowfang pauses here, glancing at the two holes in Honeyfern's shoulder before continuing, "…they'll close up on their own. Burns, bloating after drowning, and even those holes, will go to how it was before you died."

Honeyfern nods dumbly, still numb from the shock of dying. She lies still as a young medicine cat pads up to her happily, having won the fight to treat the newest patient. Across from her, a cat with burns down his back smiles.

"You're lucky, young'un," he says. "I've been here seasons and seasons. Burns heal rather slowly, you know."

"And the fact that you keep rubbing all the herbs off doesn't help!" snaps the medicine cat treating him. He turns his smiling face on her.

"Not like I need 'em anyway. The burns'll go away on their own."

Honeyfern just lets her head fall into her paws. Everything was supposed to be perfect in StarClan. But for Honeyfern, nothing is perfect without her mate and faceless kits.

--

Weeks pass, and Honeyfern's wounds have healed. She meets family she never knew she had. She meets Rainwhisker and Sootfur, uncles who died long before their time. It doesn't stop there. She meets grandmother and grandfather; she meets Molekit, her lost brother.

Her family surrounds her, bringing comfort to her. Honeyfern nearly forgets about Berrynose, nearly forgets about her parents and siblings. But, at night, she sneaks away from her den and watches them sleep, watches and wishes she was there among them.

--

Honeyfern's least favorite thing to do in StarClan is visit the nursery area. Kits of all ages run around and play while the starry cats that mother them gossip about StarClan affairs or discipline.

Whenever Rainwhisker insists on bringing her along when he goes to see his StarClan-met mate, all she can think about is the one she left behind.

"_We would've had beautiful kits together."_

And whenever that sentence runs through her mind, Honeyfern feels like she's dying all over again, because she'll never have kits. _They'll_ never have beautiful kits.

--

Honeyfern has a growing respect for the nursery mothers in StarClan. They'll be there for eternity, nursing and raising kits that will never grow up. Few cats could do that.

Somehow, Honeyfern knows that she is one of them.

--

One day, as Honeyfern hunts in StarClan, Bluestar approaches her.

"There is a kit that needs a mother," Bluestar informs her, padding up with a kit in her jaws. The kit's eyes are frightened, and, from what Honeyfern can see, she is badly injured. There are claw marks in her neck, down her side, and on her stomach.

"What happened to her?" Honeyfern asks, looking at the kit. Bluestar rests the stunned body on the grass.

"Her mother happened. She will not come to StarClan for this, Honeyfern. This kit needs a mother. A mother _forever_."

Honeyfern looks down at the kit and smiles. "What's her name?"

"Rainkit," Bluestar answers. Honeyfern picks her new daughter up, heading for the medicine cats' area. She doesn't know this little kit, yet a connection instantly springs up. She carries her little Rainkit all the way to the den, and when she curls around her new kit, she smiles.

--

Rainkit heals in almost no time. Such a tiny body heals quickly, the medicine cats say. Honeyfern soon moves to the nursery area with the other "mothers." Some of the mothers there, she learns, are not the mothers of their kits at all. She talks with Snowfur, Bluestar's sister, who is now the mother of Mosskit.

"All kits grow up as soon as they reach StarClan," she explains. "The perfect age is four and a half moons."

Honeyfern barely listens. The question she really wants to ask hangs heavy in her mind. Finally, Snowfur stops going on.

"What is it you really want to ask me, Honeyfern?" she asks, voice serious. Honeyfern puts her head in her paws.

"Why is it that Bluestar didn't take your place as Mosskit's mother?" Honeyfern asks slowly, voice even. Snowfur sighs.

"Bluestar was never meant to be a mother, Honeyfern. She was meant to be a fighter and a leader. Me, on the other hand..." Snowfur trails off, smiling at Mosskit. "He's my other son. The one I will never see become a warrior." Honeyfern smiles sadly at her daughter, Rainkit, who will never know the joy of being a warrior—who, like her, will never know taking a mate and giving birth.

--

Eventually, Honeyfern wonders when she started thinking of Rainkit as her daughter. The kit has never once said that she was her mom, and Honeyfern has never called Rainkit her daughter around the other queens.

She watches her family in ThunderClan less and less, not wanting to watch as her mother grows old. Watching them reminds her that time passes, a concept that doesn't exist in StarClan. Here, everything stays the same; everything stays perfect.

But to Honeyfern, nothing's perfect yet. Because in a perfect world, her kit is half his kit. In a perfect world, Rainkit has a daddy.

--

She dreads the day Rainkit asks who her father is, dreads the day her little kit grows curious enough to ask. Each day her kit doesn't ask is a day Honeyfern grows more relaxed.

And, later, when Honeyfern is putting Rainkit in her nest for a nap, she realizes that even though things aren't supposed to change in StarClan, she's grown up.

--

Then, Honeyfern's dreaded day comes.

"Honeyfern, why don't I have a dad?" Rainkit asks, eyes wide and innocent. Honeyfern freezes midway through giving the kit a bath.

"You…you do have a dad, Rainkit," Honeyfern answers slowly, eyes closed. "He's…still alive."

"Oh, okay," Rainkit says, nodding. "I get it. Thanks...Mom."

Honeyfern smiles. "You're welcome. Now run along and play, dear; we'll finish your bath later."

--

There comes a day when Sorreltail arrives in StarClan, dead from natural causes. Honeyfern takes Rainkit and Molekit to meet her at the medicine cat area, where she is being inspected. Honeyfern smiles when she sees her mother, running up to her as though she were a kit again.

"Honeyfern," Sorreltail says, voice weak. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too," Honeyfern says, brushing muzzles with her mother. "But I have a surprise. Molekit! Rainkit! Come and meet Sorreltail."

Sorreltail cries out in joy as Molekit jumps on her. She smothers her tiny son with licks and rambles on about how glad she is to see him. Finally, Honeyfern pushes her tiny, cream-colored kit forward. Rainkit's blue eyes, for once, contain shyness.

"Sorreltail, meet my daughter," Honeyfern says, sitting down next to her mother. Sorreltail's eyes are confused for a moment before she shakes her head and touches noses with the little kit. But before she can say anything, Rainwhisker and Sootfur rush in, too, covering their littermate with licks and happy purrs. Honeyfern just smiles, because almost the whole family is together again.

Yet she still misses _him_.

--

That

night, Honeyfern watches ThunderClan again. Watches as Berrynose, _her_ Berrynose, sleeps alone in the warriors' den. She feels so bad for him, yet, at the same time, her hearts swells. He has stayed loyal to her and only her.

--

When Brackenfur comes to StarClan, Sorreltail, now in the nursery area with Honeyfern and Molekit, cries for joy and runs to meet him. She bowls him over, and they roll down a hill, laughing.

When Honeyfern sees the joy in her mother's eyes, she wonders if she'll feel like that when Berrynose comes to StarClan.

--

Seasons pass, and Honeyfern watches as Berrynose retires to the elders, head heavy and bones weary. Later that day, when the apprentices are cleaning out the den, one asks a rather unsettling question.

"Berrynose, how come you never had a mate and kits?"

Honeyfern watches as Berrynose looks up, confused. "I have a mate, kid. She's in StarClan, waiting for me."

When she hears that, Honeyfern feels her heart soar.

--

It is many seasons later when Berrynose is ready to join StarClan. Honeyfern, ever loyal, offers to guide him to the starry land. Slowly, Honeyfern pads down from the stars and into his den, preparing to take him to StarClan. Quietly, she shakes his shoulder and watches as his spirit stands up, coming out of his body. He looks at her, eyes going wide.

"Honeyfern!" he cries happily, leaping to touch noses with her. "Am I dreaming?"

Honeyfern's heart feels heavy as she shakes her head. "No, Berrynose; you're dead."

He stares for a moment before looking at his body. Then, slowly, he shrugs. "So…you came to take me to StarClan, right?" he asks, starting to walk away from his body. He stops at Honeyfern's side and leans into her. She smiles.

Berrynose isn't the same tomcat she left behind when she died. He's matured, just like her. She smiles again and leans into him, and, for a brief moment, she feels like a carefree apprentice again.

After that moment has passed, she leads him up to StarClan.

--

When he sees Rainkit, Berrynose's eyes light up.

"She's yours?" he asks, looking at her. Honeyfern nods. "Then that means she's ours." Honeyfern nods again as Berrynose walks up to Rainkit and smiles.

"Who're you?" Rainkit asks, running to hide behind Honeyfern's leg. Honeyfern pushes her forward.

"That's your daddy," Honeyfern says, walking up and standing next to Berrynose. Slowly, Rainkit touches noses with Berrynose and smiles.

"What took you so long?"

--

Later that night, the two sit together, talking and watching Rainkit play. Honeyfern is happy; things are finally perfect. Quietly, Berrynose leans down and whispers something in her ear.

"I told you our kit would be beautiful."


End file.
